I'm writing down thankfulness, so that I can be filled up with joy that overflows... even when I'm lonely or bored or tired or weary or longing. And, I totally don't have the hang of this every second, every minute thankfulness...but I AM remembering thankfulness at the oddest times. Sometimes it's for this grace to live another day, sometimes it's for yellow balloons from Old Navy for B, sometimes it's for time... etc. Even in the gray of this forever long winter that doesn't want to leave, I am finding joy, when I'd rather it be summer and warm and not have to wear layers and coats and boots. I am finding joy when there are days filled with just me and B... and when daddy comes home late and the nights are filled with just us. Because, she... she is a big part of my thankfulness. Jesus gave her to me to raise... He blessed me with the responsibility of bringing her to His feet and showing her who He is. And... i catch my eyes brimming with tears when she asks for "D-Jeeesus" before she eats her dinner or when she sings "i may never, i may never, i may never" like a broken record player because her favorite song is The Lord's Army right now or when she can't fall asleep because we haven't prayed at bedtime yet.

Is this not my purpose? Is this not my blessing?

If I forget the thankfulness, the yuckiness creeps in. It creeps up my neck and the ungratefulness of my sinful heart brings darkness to my present. like "well, why don't i have this?" r, "why do i have to this myself?" or "in this, Jesus is present? In THIS, He is blessing?" I shake my head, "No!" Instead of clinging to the grace of saying, "YES!" to Him. the freedom in that "YES!" is exhilarating. His plan is perfect. His purpose is flawless. And, His blessings, innumerable. So... here in this daily practicing of thanksgiving, I am seeing how thankfulness is essential in this life. Thankfulness brings me to the throne of Jesus... and I awe over what He has given. The smallest things and the biggest things. And, I wonder. And, I bow. for this thankfulness is bringing my heart ever-lower in His presence.

I forget sometimes. I'm not perfect. But, I see this thankfulness correcting things I used to not even think about. And, I'm grateful for a Shepherd that leads and guides and brings us to His throne room again and again through our thanksgiving.