sometimes...

i get restless.

not a "restless sleep" restless. not a "need more things" restless. not a "discontented with what I already have" restless.

it's deeper than that.

it's this inner longing to do more, be more, fulfill more.

and, i don't think it's bad. not one bit.

I sit here in a house that feels chilly because winter decided to come back for one last week. But, it's really not cold compared to elsewhere. And there are clothes in the closets... shoes, too! And, there is food in the pantry and money in the wallets and gas in the car and sheets on the beds. there is plenty.

And, i wonder... is the plenty part of what makes me restless?

i could be.

but, there is this longing inside of me that never stops. it can't be satiated by mere things. I have tasted the Lord's beautiful goodness and it is the only thing that will ever be enough.

there are places beyond my house...

beyond my yard...

beyond my town...

i know that Jesus says to be light here. i know that is my purpose wherever i am.

but sometimes i want to take the light... elsewhere... everywhere.

i want to pack up my husband and my baby girl and take them to places where Jesus is the only thing and He is STILL enough. to places where there are barefooted babies and only beans and rice for dinner and only one pair of clothes. to places where the people who have found Jesus in those circumstances radiate a joy that only... only Jesus, sweet, precious Jesus can give. And, i want to take them there, because i want them to know the bounds of the goodness of the Lord. I want them to experience the pouring out of one's self. i want them to taste and see Him.

And, i want them to know...

that all this stuff is nothing compared to serving. to loving. to being Jesus to another.

so, i get restless... because i have known Him in my darkest and in my lightest moments of life. i have fallen in love with the Savior of the world, who is unchanging in everything. So, that means He is unchanging in His joy giving.... which means that joy that those people have is available to everyone who loves Him.

and I just want my tiny family to know.

to taste it.
to long for it.
to reciprocate it.

restlessness leads us to He who does great things.

so, i am thankful for the restless heart.

for it acknowledges my inadequacy and exalts His greatness... a greatness i have been privileged to experience- here, there, and everywhere.