proverbs 31

it's one of my favorite passages. i'm sitting on my bed... my husband is outside with the boys... there's no one home. i was missing Marissa, Lauren, and Carly. so... instead of dwelling on that, i pulled out my Bible.

i read proverbs 31 first and then a few others. but i'm pulled back to proverbs 31.

i want to be a wife of noble character. i don't know how well i've done that in the past 13 days...

one verse says, "she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Am I strong? am I clothed with dignity? And, really? Laugh at the days to come? I'm trying to be strong. I always try to be. Dignity. what a word! it means, "to be worthy or esteem or respect." i really don't know if i can claim that. and, i'm certainly not laughing about the days to come. I'm at peace to be like Abraham, but how am I supposed to laugh when I have no clue what's going on?!

maybe i need to laugh because we worry so much about tomorrow and God has everything planned out forever and ever. that's what i'm going to settle with... if anyone else has a better interpretation, let me know.

oh life. life without daily communion with Jesus is like an iron cage that prevents all reality from continuing on. there is almost a haziness that overcomes the believer that is thirsting for Jesus, but not allowing Him to seep into every part of life. it's like saying, "oh yeah, You are there. I know, but God, maybe today i'll just go over here instead and do everything in my own power." but. it never works. never.

so today, i don't know what my life holds tomorrow. i don't know where i will be in a month. maybe i'll still be in a blue room with my sister's pink quilt. it makes me miss her actually. a lot. maybe i should have a lemonade stand and raise money for a ticket to see her. or maybe i should go see my favorite missionaries. i have dominican children staring at me from their pictures on my wall. i miss them too. and Mali. Brinkley. Erica. Nate. Sarah. Mattias. Layla. Grandma. or maybe i should go see Marissa or Lauren. i miss them. oh oh... maybe Texas would be good too. i miss people there too... today's a "missing people you love kind of day."

tomorrow. i want to be a proverbs 31 woman. tomorrow i want to be a daughter of sarah. tomorrow i want to follow like Abraham. tomorrow i want to live as though faith without deeds is dead. tomorrow, Jesus, i need you're help. please.

tonight... i will sweetly lay with my husband. hopefully he'll be awake enough to listen to a few things on my mind. :)